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The diversity of Autism Spectrum Disorder: Who does it affect?  Tt has no class or race barriers, it’s invisible and among us all. Except I am still often kept hidden. I am intellectually disadvantaged, have learning disorders and yes I am on the autism spectrum, you could say I have an invisible disability.At times in my life I have often wished I was invisible, it can be so hard continually being at odds in this world. I have spent a whole lifetime being on the outside and so badly wanting to come in, but never knew how until now.
Before it was like being in a time capsule, but I broke out and made sense of Aspergers and found my real self.

As a child shy, awkward, so, so clumsy, in new situations, my mind which seem to work like an express train and the words and thoughts became so muddled, leaving me no option but to stay silent. Otherwise, my words would just jumble out in chaos, leaving others confused with a blank stare. Then came that knowing and unknowledgeable nod “poor child”, what did they know, just that I was different and did not fit into the neat little stereo type mode, where as I was left wanting to die inside disappear from being me.
Growing up it felt like I had some dark shadow over my shoulder, close behind affecting my every move, with no clue why. Not fitting in, I always felt like the odd one and was continually left out. Why was I the one others like to bully, school like my home life was a living nightmare, but I am a survivor and have become stronger, but it has taken me far too long.

Work wise I jumped at the chance of any job, someone actually employed me, I was so grateful, naïve, would I ever be good enough. With no confidence, education, emotionally confused, socially inapt and no clue to my differences.
When I first started working, I found even looking at others painful. Over the years I trained up many people, which I knew I was as good as or even better than. But often had to sit back as they went on to be my boss or even do better, leaving me always very empty and frustrated.

Being diagnosed with Aspergers and many associated conditions, has helped explain why I always found courses, meetings and social events quite dramatic, and change almost impossible to deal with. I ended up being the one every one remembered for all the wrong reasons It is a known fact that Asperger people find change hard, and will stick to very stressful jobs, even when very stressed and not happy.

I had huge problems when it came to being interviewed, I just I fell apart. So it was such a relief when one of my ex. bosses after viewing my web site recently wrote:
“I felt really sad when I read the bit about your work experience and especially about interviews. I remember the interview you did that I sat in on and was really puzzled about how you came across – as you say you knew you could do the job, we knew you could do it but it wasn’t coming out at the interview. Now I have been reading what you have to say about AS I think I can begin to understand.”

I think one of the hardest parts for me, Is knowing I am very intelligent, I have a wonderful gift for being able to see the overall picture of things, and that’s why doing things like setting up a web site on my own is quite easy. It can be so hard not having a education and until recently I have not had the confidence to be myself. I have had to spend a life time of proving to others I am capable.

Meeting new people is one of the things I find extremely hard. I do not do small talk and of course what is it most people first say “what do you do”, “where was you educated”.. how do I begin to do that when parts of me and my life I never understood until now.– How do you tell others who you are, when inside feel like your lost in the ocean drafting. 

I now feel like at last I have been saved, but would not wish my journey on anyone, it’s been far too hard and painful at times. No one really seemed to understand, believe in or has been willing to let me simply be me. Growing up and not knowing is a bit like being wrongly imprisoned. You live / act for this world, but play / have fun in your own. 

But at times of course, your world spills over and intrudes into their world, that’s when your so called friends drift away…

Of course over the years I have learnt to change, adapt and gain confidence with age. Unfortunately since being diagnosed have also found quite often that what others do not understand, they prefer to keep at arm’s length.

We all need to learn to understand that in fact our symptoms whatever they are, are a part of who we are and lead a balanced life that allows for these differences. Of course it’s not that simply as we still are all so different and can have different associated conditions and circumstances. If you know one person on the autism spectrum disorder, you just know one! We are unique individuals and share traits which has been behind some of the greatest human achievements to date.


I was speaking to someone on line and they said something along the lines: 

I’ve found Cambridge University to be quite conducive to the generally unique learning style and style of interaction that many with Aspergers have. In particular has been tolerance for limited face to face exchange, and patience put forth into allowing time for those with Aspergers to generate their thoughts and finish expressing them….      

My reply: “Not everyone is able to go to Cambridge University, and not sure it would have suited me. What may suit one Aspie (person on the Autism spectrum) may not suit another, as we are all very different, the way I spoke when younger was very fast and muddled with a east end accent, and feel would never of fitted or felt at home in at Cambridge University… 

“My cousin when to Oxford University a genius really, but since leaving moved into his own home and stays there alone, does work but not as we all know it and would be very hard for him now to integrate like the rest of us.”I do understand what you are saying, but we all do have to learn to live in the real world.”
But after saying that, it got me thinking – what is the real world to one, is not for someone else and why cannot people exclude themselves if makes them happy. Do we have to act in the real world and be happy in our own or will society ever accept us for who we are!?

I still do not know all the answers myself, that’s why I am trying to open discussion to get people thinking about our differences .As unfortunately people still think Aspergers is an illness, in fact someone said to me recently” I know what it is, it’s a mental illness” my reply to this was I am really not mentally ill, just different.

The easiest way I can explain this: People on the autism spectrum think one way and people not on the autism spectrum think another way and we both continue to cross wires. People would never know if I did not tell them I had Aspergers, it does not mean I do not suffer and often feel at odds with the world.

Just spend one day doing some think that you find really hard and glad when over, well that’s what it can be like for a lot of people on the spectrum a lot of the time. Just to chat to people and to smile and be friendly can at times be a task for some of us.
I feel I have come a long way, but know other people on the spectrum still are so wrongly judged. We really are just unique individuals which the so-called ‘normal’ world often underestimate, and often do not try to understand. We have been made to believe in a stereotype of ‘normality’ for our children, and to panic, fear and react when our offspring don’t achieve. I was speaking to a little boy at school some time ago and when I ask him why he was misbehaving so much, he simply said “I’m bored” these children often are very needy and find it hard to focus on things that do not interest them, is it really the child’s thought he is bored, or is he just not being heard!I have had dark moments, which have lead to depression and my obsessive tendencies have taken hold, I have felt like withdrawing from society. But with new understanding comes hope and I no longer am crushed at every turn and truly love being able to be the real me. In the past at times it has felt like my very being has been smashed open with a sledge hammer, but now I am no longer lost and chaos no longer shadows me. I have found my true self.

Do not crush your child, embrace them and their differences, allow them to believe in and be themselves. We really are real people and can lead successful life’s, you may not always agree with our differences, but at least try and understand.

There still are so many variables and differences and far too many labels, for even those on the autism spectrum it can seem like one incomplete puzzle at times.

Being on the spectrum, and having Autism, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Aspergers, High functioning, Low functioning and disorders that run parallel with the spectrum disorders and are treated the same but not on the spectrum like non verbal learning disorder – confused, to me they are all part and parcel of the same spectrum and I feel there should be one name.

Autism is like a web which is in the center and around it just some of the associated conditions people can have PDD, OCD, Social phobia, Anxiety, Bipolar, ADHD, ADD, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Dyspraxia, Tourettes Syndrome, speech disorders… It seems to depend on who you see, is what you get diagnosed with. There really needs to be a one stop place, for advice on not just autism spectrum disorders, but all the associated conditions as well. Trying to be diagnosed can be near impossible especially for adults; the whole system at present is far too disjointed.

I saw a program on Dyslexia and it hit me like a ton of bricks, how could I have and not of know until in my 40s. After I got diagnosed for Dyslexia, also found out had Dyspraxia. But still knew there was some think else, so continued to search and write down all my differences, armed with all this information approach my doctor and I was lucky he thought I may have Aspergers. Was told just like that, after all these years and referred onto a Clinical Psychologist.

I have been diagnosed with Aspergers, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia (which have found out is the cause for my driving problems), Bipolar traits, but that’s ok under control now! and have sight problems. Undiagnosed but very sure have ADHD or ADD, always been extremely hyper, and as a child had Clutters, a speech disorder.I did ask Tony Attwood on his views regarding Mood swings (Bipolar) link to aspergers, and his response was:

Thank you for your message and very intriguing question. I think that people with Asperger’s syndrome have many issues in relation to emotion regulation and perception which comes from my clinical experience. However, new research on the amygdala (a part of the brain that is involved with emotion regulation and perception) has indicated that those with Asperger’s syndrome can have difficulty managing their emotions. I am not sure if the characteristic is one of bipolar or manic. I prefer to describe it as an intense emotional response that is difficult for the person with Asperger’s syndrome and others to control. A person with Asperger’s syndrome may very quickly move into an intense emotion with a relatively minor trigger.I recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) for people with Asperger’s syndrome to help them use their intellect to manage their emotions. I have a whole chapter on this in my new book The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, with more info. at www.jkp.com. Tony Attwood.        

As a parent I have often been made to feel bad for my children’s differences, let alone my own. To me it does not matter if my boys are on the spectrum or not, the most important thing is that they understand who they are. I will never make them conform, but do want them to be confidence and believe in themselves Maybe this is because I recognized bits of me in them, and do not want them to suffer my childhood chaos.
As a parent you know your children best, so try not to allow others to tell you they know better than you, as more than often they do not. Celebrate your child’s quirks, eccentricities. As just like our children we do not always need to conform, believe in them and yourself. What is really needed is for society to accept that there is in fact a whole group of people who are just different and it’s ok.

In other cultures, some of us allow for differences and except individuals for the way they are, why can’t the rest of you. All I ask people to do is take a step back from time to time, and enjoy your child’s individuality. But, as long as we continue to prejudge others, and not recognize peoples invisible disorders, you may be hurting someone more than you could ever imagine.
I continue to hear “but I did do disability training” but that only gives you a very basic idea and as yet does not usually cover invisible disorders, such as autism. And others have done courses on ASD, but a course only does help you understand. You cannot become an expert overnight, and please remember we are all unique individuals, so treat us as such.

I have lived with and around ASD all my life, I have intently studied since realizing I could have, this was before I was diagnosed and I am still learning. No one knows all the answers yet, that’s why it’s so important we all come together and learn from each other. Far too many people are being left in the dark, needing help and not knowing which way to turn. Unfortunately it’s still a bit like breaking open a piñata and depending on which direct you go, is what you get diagnosed with and what help you receive!

Do adults need to be diagnosed – my answer would be a big yes, if it was not so hard and cost so much, and if a doctor does not tell you “adult do not get diagnosed” false of course. Unfortunately at present it can seem like trying to fit together a puzzle with all the wrong bits. But I cannot express how much of a difference it has made to me, set me free of all the anger, frustrations and confusion.
My boys keep things in perspective for me, otherwise at times it can feel like I’m in the middle of a very big ocean and no one can hear me, battling against impossible odds.. But as the Aspie community grows stronger there seems to be a brighter future for our children and that makes it more than worthwhile. Now at least I understand enough to be the real me and talking about my past is no longer a dark shadow. So for now I guess I am happy being uniquely artist autistic and will continue to convince others that it really is ok…


Autism spectrum disorder it’s not a dirty word that we should only mention behind closed doors, we all need to embrace, talk about and learn from each other if not for this generation, but the next.
The government has already agreed to go ahead with screening children at a younger age, which I feel is brilliant and truly needed. But my concerns are if people already with disadvantaged learning disorders do not have nowhere near enough support , backing or even understanding now. How will the government deal with a growing number of early diagnoses? If I was in a wheelchair would you still discriminate against me the way you do now!?
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ASPERGERS PARALLEL PLANET:http://www.asplanet.info/ 

Article Link: http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=79&Itemid=125